Earlier this semester, I lamented the price increases implemented by the Illini Union McDonald’s. After I finished my last exam, not more than an hour ago, I swung by to get food because eating had decidely dropped down the priority list for me lately.

It seems that as of this Sunday May 12th, the Illini Union McDonald’s is closing for good. I don’t know why or when this decision was made but this means that the biggest fast food chain in America no longer has a presence on Campus. The Burger King on Green Street suffered a similar fate last year and the News Gazette reported this week that a new luxury apartment complex will be built in its place. Oh, and the construction will make Green Street one lane for most of the next school year, if not longer. Yay for congestion!

So, while I’ll miss the golden arches, this means that there’s probably going to be a new food joint in the Union for next year.

What do you think should take its place?

Firstly, thanks a lot to instructors who decide to have the final paper due the same day as the class final. It’s makes my life a whole lot easier……

Secondly, I find that is very peaceful walking on the Quad at 6AM in the early dawn light. You should try it sometime, preferably not after you’ve spent a night suffering.

Finally, a reader sends this along to us and while we’ve finished our current publication term, it is still worthy of mention. Unbeknownst to me or to other other people currently working here who weren’t even born when this was a tradition, but The Daily Illini used to publish an editorial at the beginning of each finals week dedicated to the misery of exams.

I shall not pass this way again.

A big thank you to Dave Nevers of Hinsdale, IL for sending us this clip from the May 31, 1972 edition of The Daily Illini.

So here I am procrastinating. Significant portions of my grades will come down to my performance during a 3 hour exam. I find this troubling for any number of reasons but unfortunately, I really don’t have the time at the moment to write them all down.

Since I’m done with my official duties at the DI for a little while, I hope to chronicle my finals week for the blog. This is an ambitious experiment and it will require me to analyze, synthesize and argue (and a whole other bevy of academically important words) my experiences analyzing, synthesizing and arguing information I will probably have little or no use for immediately after I turn in those blue packets.

I don’t know about you, but I’m pumped.

The Daily Illini has learned that The Daily Show will broadcast a segment that was filmed at the University of Illinois last week.

The segment deals with the Chief Illiniwek controversey and features Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi along with several U of I students.

The Daily Illini was lucky enough to send a photographer to It’s Brothers! where part of the segment was filmed. The bar will be holding a special viewing session tonight. You can view photos from the shoot here.

Once the segment airs, I will post the Comedy Central Motherload clip if it becomes available. Otherwise, get your YouTube on. If you’ve got a reaction to the show, send your thoughts to opinions@dailyillini.com and I will post them up here if I can’t fit them in the two print issues I have left.

Update: Comedy Central has the video up. Yes, that’s former DI columnist Jack McMillan.

Update #2: Motherload is notoriously difficult to work with. But luckily, it got posted on Youtube today. It will probably get taken down soon due to ongoing disagreements between Viacom (Comedy Central’s parent company) and Google (which bought YouTube this year) If you want to grab it before it’s gone, there are ways. Google is your friend.

Update #3: Youtube is now down and motherload still won’t embed properly, so here’s the direct link.

Oh, America. Oh you.

In Washington D.C. where there are more law degrees than phonebooks, a local judge has filed a personal lawsuit against a Korean-operated dry cleaning business over a pair of missing trousers. He is seeking damages in excess of 67 MILLION dollars. You can read about it from ABC news here. I HIGHLY recommend it. The jokes write themselves. My favorite excerpts:

The civil trial, set for June, has the scope of a John Grisham courtroom thriller and the societal importance of a traffic ticket.

The ABC News Law & Justice Unit has calculated that for $67 million dollars Pearson could buy 84,115 new pairs of pants at the $800 value he placed on the missing trousers in court documents. If you stacked those pants up they would be taller than eight Mount Everests. If you laid them side by side they would stretch for 48 miles.

It was May, 2005 and Pearson was about to begin his new job as an administrative judge. Naturally, he wanted to wear a nice outfit to his first day of work. He said in court papers that he tried on five Hickey Freeman suits from his closet, but found them all to be ‘too tight,’ according to the Washington Post.

He believes he is entitled to $1,500 for each violation, each day during which the “Satisfaction Guaranteed'’ sign, and another sign promising “Same Day Service'’ was up in the store — more than 1200 days. And he’s multiplying each violation by three because he’s suing Jin and Soo Chung and their son. He also wants $500,000 in ‘emotional damages’ and another $542, 500 in legal fees, even though he is representing himself in court. He wants $15,000 for ten years worth of weekend car rentals as well (Note: So he can take his business elsewhere.)

It goes on and on like that in some starch-filled odyssey. Obivously, 67 million dollars for a pair of pants is a little much. I would’ve been satisfied to get reimbursed on the pants and 50 percent off on my next winter coat job, but I digress.

Surely, this will give plenty of ammunition for comedy shows and the tort-reform lobby. However, this story has also conveniently reminded me that I need to do some laundry of my own.

Other headlines that were in the running for this blog post:

Now HERE’S your activist judge!

Citizen sues scrubbers for slip-up over slacks

That’s what I call pressing a (law)suit!

Lack of laundry leads to legal limbo

Lawsuit gives whole new meaning to ’spin’ cycle

…

Somebody, help me. Please.

via Editor and Publisher and New York Times columnist Frank Rich:

“After last weekend’s correspondents’ dinner, The Times decided to end its participation in such events,” wrote Rich. “But even were the dinner to vanish altogether, it remains but a yearly televised snapshot of the overall syndrome. The current White House, weakened as it is, can still establish story lines as fake as ‘Mission Accomplished’ and get a free pass.”

Rich is referring to the annual White House Correspondents Dinner where for one evening, the press and elite Washington put aside their duties responsibilities and poke fun at each other while handing out awards. The dinner has made significant impact (although not this year) with hosts like Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert in 2006. His performance was downplayed by the Washington establishment because unlike other barn burners like Rich Little, he dared to examine the chummy ties the media and the government seem to enjoy.

Now with the country’s paper of record apparently bowing out of the event, will the rest of the media follow suit?