We hardly knew ye.

After catching multiple reports of a loose cougar in Chicago over the course of the last two days, I was unsurprised to see that this poor guy - unnamed and ungendered, as of now - was shot dead by police in the Roscoe Village area of Chicago early Monday evening.

The best sentence in the entire article is a paraphrase of something James Reynolds, a local yokel who caught sight of the beast, told the reporter:

He knew it was a cougar because he had seen it on the Discovery Channel, he said.

And I always said television was doing no good.

Another highlight is slightly reminiscent of an old South Park episode, where some hunters, looking to kill animals out of season, pretend to act in self-defense in order to bring home the prize. “They’re coming right for us!”, yell out-for-the-weekend hunters Jimbo and Ned.

‘It was turning on the officers,’ Ryan said, adding that no officers were hurt. ‘There was no way to take it into custody.’

As if it were a surprise that the animal was a bit hostile to gun-toting, sharpshooter policemen who “shot holes in an air conditioning unit” outside one man’s house. It’s too bad. I’ll bet Jeremiah - yeah, let’s call him Jeremiah - could have made a fine pet.